The Beginning

I wrote "my story" about when Gavin was born today. You know because everyone in cyber world has one. It was pretty short compared to other peoples stories, I even had story envy. Then It came to me that everybody is different and some tend to go on and tell every tiny detail. To some that is fine, but I just can't do it. I can't go into every tiny detail of what happened because it is such a blur to me.

There are a few culprits to this. The Magnesium Sulfate... that is some nasty shizz... What is it?? Well you might have some in your bathroom, but it is called Epsom salt. Hey you can even buy it at the dollar store. The doctors gave it to me,in an IV,to help with my super high blood pressure. One thing I remember is the PAIN when I was first given this, my arm felt like it was being crushed by a boulder bigger than me. One of the side of effects of "The Mag" is memory loss. I don't remember much after Gavin was born I pretty much lost the 2nd half of that day, I can't tell you what I did who came and saw me. I do know that I pumped milk for Gavin because I was made to, and my husband, my mom and mother in law where there. That is it. I don't even remember seeing Gavin. It is very sad and I hate to even admit it... I don't remember the first time I saw Gavin. That was painful to say.

I chalk the other reason up to just the pain shock of it all. side note... I was admitted to the hospital a few days before Gavin was born to watch my awesome blood pressure. We celebrated Easter 2011 there, that was not fun. I was doing so awesome that I really thought I was going home soon. Then It happened.. The "attack" I woke up early that morning throwing up and just feeling bad and like I wasn't all there and my blood pressure was going crazy. I think my nurse was freaking out because she thought I was going to have a seizure or worse a stroke. I remember a few drs coming in and talking to me about what was going on... I said just do what you have to do. I was shocked they said ok we are going to schedule you for a C-Section as soon as your OB can get here. Most of the time when your tell your OB to deliver your baby they don't go OK lets do it in a few hours... they really don't say that when you are 27 weeks. UNLESS it is bad and someone could die. This was so Shocking to me.

HUH I guess I knew lots of details.. I would not say details as much as the narrative of what I remember that day, and some snarky comments about the nursing staff taking Cafe Rio orders... I remember that, but not seeing Gavin.. GREAT. I know I have Postpartum Depression and maybe some PTSD because of it all... Don't worry I am taking medicine. More on that another time, and maybe another reason I don't remember every tiny detail of that worst best day ever.